Hit by a Truck

Feels like I was hit by a truck.

Oh wait...I was.

I was the victim of a hit and run driver last Wednesday.  Driving home on the Hilt Road, a speeding truck coming from the opposite direction almost hit me head on. He smashed into the driver's side of my Chevy Tracker and never stopped. He left me alone on the side of our dark, cold, deserted country road.

There I sat, shocked, traumatized, my coat pocket full of broken glass. Thank goodness for cell phones. I called 911 and then Sequoia.  Sequoia showed up first, bless him. An officer arrived and took a report.  The next day, the officer called to tell me the driver had turned himself in and wanted to apologize.  I was dubious, but asked the officer for the driver's name and number. 

Turns out, the man who hit me is an old rancher who has lived in the valley all his life. His kids and grandkids live in the valley. He's well known by everyone.

I'm having a hard time making sense of it all.  It sure seems like the universe is telling me that it's time to make a change.  I can't sustain this lifestyle any longer.

Today’s insight #1: I deserve to be happy.

In my heart, I nurture a strangely opposite belief: I have not earned my unhappiness.  Unhappiness dishonors my many blessings.  Because I’m so richly, uniquely blessed, my unhappiness is trivial, ungrateful, undeserved.

The truth is: I am unhappy. There's no shame or judgement in that, it just is.

I deserve to be happy. 

Today’s insight #2: I am allowed to embrace abundance.  My choices don’t have to be black or white, either/or.  I see the world in what programmers used to call “if/then” statements.  If I take this, I have to give up that. If I do this, I can’t do that.  If I move to town, I can never travel.  If I don’t work at a job, any job, I will starve.

The truth is, I can move to town and still travel. I can quit my job and survive.  It’s not against the rules. I won’t be hit by lightning.

I am allowed to embrace abundance.