This Year

I was sorry to hear of Tom Mallon's death last week, far too soon, far too soon. Tom played with and produced American Music Club, the soundtrack to my early adulthood. I knew the words of every song on Restless Stranger, Engine, California and Everclear. At home, in the car, in the shower, I sang harmonies to Mark Eitzel's melodies.  Tom produced the first three, probably had his hand in the fourth, before he and the band "broke up" over - what? Who knows.

Why do we nurse our petty grudges until it's too late?

Some day, I'll write  about following Danny Pearson around to AMC shows.  Danny is a good brother. He was always kind and loving to my daughters, he used his air miles to give Sequoia and me a trip to England, he brought me backstage at some amazing venues. How I loved walking up to the door and saying, "I'm with the band."  I stood in front of many stages mouthing the words to every song while watching Eitzel sweat and moan.  But, when I went backstage I always hung back, kept my mouth shut and my head down.  Danny ran with the cool kids. I was the only mother in the room, overweight and over-young. I definitely was not cool and didn't want to embarrass him.

I know now they were as self-conscious and self-loathing as me.  I should have spoken up. Should have, but didn't; so many shoulds in this life.

Tom Mallon created beauty and meaning. That was his gift to the world, that's what he will be remembered for.  Love is the most beautiful killer of them all.