Ferguson

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up

like a raisin in the sun?

Or fester like a sore-- 

And then run? 

Does it stink like rotten meat? 

Or crust and sugar over-- 

like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags 

like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

Langston Hughes

Synergy

The thing about making art is, you never know how it will turn out. You dream it, scheme it, plan it, write it, practice till your fingers bleed, rehearse with your collaborators for months. You get to the venue early, schlep gear, set up, sound check, obsess over every detail while trying to keep the mood light, making jokes to keep everybody's spirits up. You do every damn thing possible to bring it off, but until you're standing onstage watching people walking in the door, watching the event unfold in the moment, you really don't know what it's going to be.  That audience comes in out of the weather, they step out of their lives, and step into this alternate reality that you've created. But that reality doesn't exist until they experience it and react to it.  No matter how well prepared you are, every performance is a step off into the unknown.  You'd think that would be anathema to a control junkie like me, but I keep coming back for more.

Tonight was a very different kind of performance, something that I conceived and directed, my own creation.  I had an idea and brought it off. Was it flawed? Absolutely. Like the CD we just recorded and released, deeply flawed.  But, people had a really good time. They danced. They loved the tunes we wrote, those went over huge.  I  have three new collaborators and see some really interesting opportunities ahead.

The music feels authentic. It comes from the heart. It makes people smile and it makes them move. It really feels like a two way street. I don't want to preach at people, I seek synergy.  When the energy that's coming back from the audience rises to meet the energy I put out, it creates something that's greater than the sum of it's parts. The first law of thermodynamics is, energy cannot be created or destroyed, but I know that's not true because I've seen it happen. When the conditions are just right and the music's hot, 1 + 1 can equal 3.

It's 2:00 a.m., my feet hurt, I can't sleep. Too much loose energy.

Cleanse Day 28

Okay then; it was possible after all.

No meat, eggs, dairy products, refined sugar, wheat, rye, barley, corn, dried fruit, citrus or anything from a box for four weeks. No nightshades, soy or tree nuts for three weeks.  The one thing I cheated on was coconut water. I used a shot glass full in my smoothie every morning.

Today's breakfast smoothie: frozen strawberries, raspberries and blackberries, spinach and chard from the garden, a shot of coconut milk, a shot of water, protein powder, probiotics and antioxidants.  Throw it in the blender and it's lovely, not too sweet, very satisfying. Lunch was roasted vegetables, 1/2 cup of hummus, carrots and pumpkin seeds.  Snacks today were an apple and a few grapes. Some days its a few olives or sunflower seeds.

The real test today was dinner.  I had a hell of a day at work and didn't have any food in the house so I walked home, jumped in the car and ran to the store.  I could have stopped at the Co-op on my walk home, but it's expensive and I get tired of eating there every day. I didn't want to drive all the way out to my favorite, funky grocery store Shop N Kart, so I drove to Market of Choice, one of those "lifestyle markets" as Lowell calls it. High end and also expensive, but more of a full grocery store than the Co-op. They have a huge deli, a fancy bakery, an Asian hot bar with meatballs and Yakisoba noodles, crocks of cream soups, loaves of fresh bread, every thing I love and am trying not to eat. It's day 28, right? Why not indulge. But, none it was appealing enough to make me break the diet.  I walked out of the store with a head of broccoli, an onion and some Thai peanut sauce.  I picked some more spinach and chard, made some rice, stir fried it with the peanut sauce and sat down to the table to eat like a civilized human. Crazy, right?

I'll admit, I'm looking forward to meat. That's coming back into the diet for sure, along with an occasional egg. My goal is to drastically reduce wheat and dairy and to completely eliminate refined sugar. Although, I do plan to have a piece of pie at Thanksgiving; I mean, come on.

Can I have just one? We shall see.

I promise to quit writing about this now and return to your regularly scheduled programming.