Rumination

This week's word is RUMINATION. I love the fact that its source is "rumen," as in a ruminant animal, as in a cow chewing her cud.  The rumen has something to do with digestion and multiple stomachs. I don't understand the biology, but I completely understand what it means to ruminate.  I ruminate all the time, mentally chewing my options over, endlessly  considering and reconsidering. I can't stop weighing the "what ifs?" and it is paralyzing.  I'm terrified of making the wrong choice. 

This week's epiphany is that I can't see the future. I absolute can, and should, consider an issue thoroughly from all perspectives. But, ultimately, I can't know how my choice will work out.

Lately, I've been obsessively ruminating about my work/life balance. Should we buy a house in Ashland? Or, should I quit my job? Or, should I find some other way to free myself from my daily nightmare commute? I can't stop weighing the pros and cons of every option.

I can't know the future, but I do know the past.  I know, right down the marrow of my bones, that I can't keep doing what I've been doing. The daily 40+ mile round trip over a bad road and a mountain pass is no longer sustainable.  After 15 years, my number is up.  It's time to retire my commuter cup. 

I'm not sad to see the end of January, but it does beg the question: what does February have in store?